10th May, 2022
Today is a good day to start on something, and I decided on this. Almost everyday in the past when I’ve been surfing the Internet or spacing out is also great, but today in addition I felt abnormally hopeless and dire. Yes, I have had many episodes of emotional melts (depressions) and past resolutions have been down to eating, surfing the Internet, World of Warcraft (CLASSIC), YouTube, read (yes, fictions and literatures too), outings, or being with people/ friends. I do keep a journal/ diary sort but left hand (don’t even mention right hand) writing could never be fast enough to capture that instant idea or emotions. The kind of idea that when the feeling that comes along with it dies you’re left with emptiness.
I have to recognize a high school teacher who does journaling online, but obviously for different reasons. I’ve been follow his blog for many years just to occasionally read something from someone who I use to know. It makes my mind smile to know people from the past are doing well, also fascinating to know what they’re in thoughts of. I am fond of the people, friends, who I know from high school whom the majority have gone off to do amazingly interesting works. Friends in this city are mostly less aware of world events, or simply have different standards in life. Often in conversations when I realized we don’t “click” I look for something else we have in common. Does this mean I haven’t been meeting my group of people? I think I have, it’s just I can’t keep them interested in me enough to keep in touch.
When finally, I meet someone who I thought could work on ourselves together in life, for the last six years his life has been on a stall. It is most terrifying when I would automatically think that I may be the reason, every year, and each year I mentally dig my six feet under (1.828meters).
Victoria, BC
